Schoolin'

Well, I figured today was as good a day as any to put up our "first day of school" seventh week of school photos!

 

It feels SO good to type out those words (seven.weeks!)

Last year, I think we hit week 7 in December.

 

 

A few lessons I have learned (the hard way) last year that I am trying (imperfectly) to improve on this year....

 

> Don't let the clock dictate life. We'll get done when we get done!

> Relationship over work.

 A lesson can be done (or not) another day, maintaining my relationship with my kid is most important.

> Let them go! My oldest has always had a voracious reading appetite. He always is reading ahead. Last year I was afraid he would read out of order or not have anything left to do after Christmas. This year I am just letting him go and happy for his love of books. On the opposite, one of my children can't keep up with the reading. I am giving myself (and child) freedom to slow down and not stress over checking it all off, but doing what is best for each child.

> Momma must spend some face to face time with Jesus before spending it with kids.

> It's ok to go outside the lesson plan and tweak things to suit our interests!

> Don't compare child to child. They are each learning at their own pace and that is ok!

> deep breathes, choose joy, enjoy it

> some days, you may just need to close up the books and try again another day.

 

 

Some days teaching your own kids is tough, but I am trying to remind myself (sometimes hourly) that these days are passing by at warp speed. I can look at these pictures above and see all these permanent teeth growing in, and compare them to last year, and gasp at the changes that have occurred right under my nose in one quick year. I don't want to wish away any minutes, even the hard ones.

 

Any other homeschooling mommas out there? What are your favorite lessons you've learned the hard way?

Easy Cinnamon Rolls {no yeast}

Mondays are quickly becoming our most favorite day of the week!

Mondays are our day off work. 

It's "family day".

And all good family days start off with a big breakfast full of empty calories!

My boys have quickly become my biggest helpers in the kitchen. They love to try out new recipes and are gaining confidence in their cooking abilities. Today, my 10 year old made these cinnamon rolls by himself. They are really hard to mess up!

This is my mother-in-laws cinnamon roll recipe. 

We love to make it because it is fast and requires no prep the day before (aka, no yeast).

Ingredients (we double the recipe for our family of 6):

Dough

2 cups of flour

4 t. baking powder

1/2 t. salt

2 t. sugar

Mix above ingredients, then criss cross in 1/2 c. shortening. 

We can't get Crisco in-country, but sometimes we have teams that leave some for us! 

I have also used butter as a substitute and it tastes great too! 

Next, mix in 2/3 c. of milk.

Then, roll dough out in an oblong shape about 8" x 12". 

As you can see below, we kinda did a circle, whatever works! 

Spread a thin coat of butter over all the dough.

Cover with brown sugar

Sprinkle with cinnamon and raisins (optional, we didn't have any)

Roll the dough forward into a long tube. Cut into 1" thick pieces.

Place on an un-greased pan 1/4" apart. 

Bake at 450 degrees for about 15 minutes.

We like to add icing too!

Melt 2 T. of milk with 2 t. of butter

Add in Powdered sugar until thick. 

Pour over cinnamon rolls while they are hot!

There you have it! 

One of our favorite recipes we indulge on.

What is your favorite recipe you like to make on lazy days?

Arkansas to Africa {part 4- Not on the Same Page}

I have had several people ask me, "how in the world did y'all wind up in Africa"?

Most of the time that ends with me stuttering around and giving some kind of a lame answer.

Not because there isn't a really good (non-lame) answer,
but because it is hard to know where to get started.

Sooo, I thought I would begin to share the story that God wrote for us.
It is a looonng story that spans many years.
But don't worry, no chapter book today!
I will give it to you a bit at a time!

If you want to catch up to speed you can find: 
Part 1 {here}
Part 2 {here}
Part 3 {here}

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(print via pinterest www.instapray.com)

I had heard God clearly promise me more children, but the next year led me to wonder if I had heard wrong.

After a frustrating year of no "two pink little lines" and a taste of what my friends who have experienced difficulties getting pregnant had gone through, we decided to have a little exploratory surgery to see what was going on. I remember coming out of surgery expecting to hear that the problem had been fixed and that we would be adding to our family again, but that wasn't the news my doctor told me. Instead, I learned that my ruptured appendix had caused so much damage that having biological children was pretty much out of the question. 

This was a hard pill to swallow. I begged God to take away the desire for more children, but He didn't. I soon began to start looking into adoption. I had always worked with kids and knew I could love a child that didn't grow in my womb as my own. I remember going to bed at night and then sneaking back up once my husband was asleep and doing hours of research on the computer. I researched agencies, looked at domestic adoption, foster care, international adoption, crunched numbers and devoured blogs. God started to do something in my heart and resurrect my dreams of having more children. After a dark year, I began to feel excitement and hope!

I came to my husband with my new found information on adoption and was underwhelmed by his response. It was pretty much a no-go. Having children is pretty much a joint decision and requires you to be on the same page. In defense of my man, he is very practical and a big planner. I had been able to stay home with our 2 boys since they were born and the only way he saw us affording adoption was by me going back to work and finding full time childcare for our kids. That just didn't make sense to him. So, I asked him to pray. This was around November and we committed to not discuss the topic again, pray about it for a month, and come back together after Christmas to see where God was leading us. I hoped it was on the same page, but honestly doubted that we would line up on this one.......

Stay tuned next week for part 5!

Linking up with Casey Wiegand Blog today.

{I am excited to be guest posting on According to Laura Jean today! I feel like God has me in a season of reflection and wants me to look back, remember, and see how faithful He has been to us. Hop over and say "hi" and peruse through Laura's posts! Love her positive outlook on life and God glorifying family!}

Transportation {Malawi Mondays}

We have been enjoying hosting a team from the States this last week, so today's post will be short and sweet!

 

Transportation is a big problem in Malawi as most people can not afford a vehicle.

With gas hanging out right around $8 a gallon, it is expensive to travel period!

Doing anything besides walking is a luxury.

 

Out in the village, where we live, most people walk or take a bike taxi to get them out to a main road (M1). From the main road,  you can wait to hop on a mini-bus (what we call a mini-van), hitch a ride in the back of a truck (which is a tad bit cheaper) or hope someone will be generous and give you a free lift into town. Once you reach town, you can buy a ticket on a "big bus" to take you anywhere you want to go in Malawi.  One round trip on a "big bus" to the capital city can be as much as 4-6  months of average village wages.

 

A sturdy chintenje that fastens a baby to mom is considered a safe car seat and the best air conditioning is riding on top of a truck full of maize! Instead of road rage, most of the passengers can be heard singing as they drive by.  



Arkansas to Africa {Part 3-The Yellow Chair}

I have had several people ask me, "how in the world did y'all wind up in Africa"?

Most of the time that ends with me stuttering around and giving some kind of a lame answer.

Not because there isn't a really good (non-lame) answer,
but because it is hard to know where to get started.

Sooo, I thought I would begin to share the story that God wrote for us.
It is a looonng story that spans many years.
But don't worry, no chapter book today!
I will give it to you a bit at a time!

If you want to catch up to speed you can find: 
Part 1 {here}
Part 2 {here}

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So, the surgeon went in to do some exploring and discovered that my appendix had ruptured...
about 3 days prior.

After 2 weeks in the hospital, 3 surgeries, and the loss of baby #4; I made it back home to recover in my yellow velour chair (man, I miss that chair!). 

I spent a lot of time in that chair; sleeping, healing, and praying.
I was so thankful that God had spared my life...
that I had 2 healthy rambunctious boys...
a husband who was the best care taker ever...
but I also talked to God a lot about the trials going on in my life.

We had always wanted 4 kids and losing #3 and #4, in a few short months span, had brought me to a pretty low, low.

One day when I was praying, I felt the Holy Spirit completely overwhelm me. It is really hard to describe except I knew without a doubt that the LORD was speaking to me. It wasn't audible, but it was so loud, it might as well have been. HE told me that HE was going to bless me and multiply me and that HE would give me more children. I felt such an indescribable peace flow through me and such unbelievable encouragement. I immediately called my mom and my sister and told them what I felt God had told me. 

I know that this may sound strange to some and I admit that this "hearing from God" has only happened to me a handful of times in my life, although I would love it if it happened more! It was such a startling and strong promise from God....one that I would question, and cling to, over the next 5 years.

{picture via Pinterest}

Stay tuned for {part 4} next week........

Linking up with Casey this week.

A Day in the Life of a Missionary Mom

I thought it would be fun to give you all a peek inside our days here in Africa!

Sometimes when I talk to people, I get the impression they imagine our lives as jam packed full of adventure and exotic things. Maybe that is a little bit how I imagined our lives would be also?

Although we have seen some really cool things and gone on some exciting adventures, most of my days are pretty much like a "normal" day that any other mom has bringing up her kids. Most of my days are spent in the village surrounded by exotic animals such as chickens, goats, and the exact same breed of dog.

This is a typical day for me......

>>> In the mornings I try and get up before my kids and spend some time with the Lord. I am always, always frustrated at myself when I don't get up and do this because I can tell a major difference in how I handle our days when I don't fill up on the Word first.

{Bible, current study-Beth Moore's Life of Paul, tea with milk and brown sugar (like my Malawian friends) and my beloved mechanical pencils}

>>> I am also slowly, and might I add painfully, getting back into the routine of exercising in the mornings. Exercising has always been an important part of my daily routine and I hate that it has fallen by the wayside in the last year. I know it is so important for my mental and physical well being. 

Not to mention my mood, can anyone relate?!

>>>I try and get all the kids up by 8. My kids are like their momma and love to sleep. The girls, not as much as the boys, but we have worked hard to get them to sleep 'til 8 most mornings too!

>>> After breakfast and chores, we head over to our home school room and get to work. Z is in 4th grade, G in 3rd grade, E in first, and A is in preschool (which means I have activities for her to play quietly so I can work with the other 3). I am really enjoying homeschool this year (for the most part). We got in a groove much more quickly than last year and having our own space, that is not on our dining room table, has been a game changer for us!

>>> We usually finish up school by 12ish. I typically will set the timer for 30 minutes and let the kids play outside, draw, or watch a movie on the laptop. While they are vegging, I use this time to sit down and write out emails to sponsors, enroll a child on the PM site, work on my to-do list, or write my lesson plans for tutoring later in the afternoons.

>>> Next, we eat lunch. Typically roasted hyena or grilled black mamba PB&J or grilled cheese, etc. Quick clean up of lunch and do some dinner prep.

>>> In the afternoons, I tutor our youngest group at Esther's House (Standard 1-3) . My girls usually come with me to class and the boys help David with whatever he is working on or draw/play inside.

Some afternoons we will swap and David will take the kids while I go out and do interviews for our community program or visit a guardian.

>>> After tutoring, I usually spend some time passing out medicine and answering all the, "Catherine, I have wound!" kiddos. Lots of little ones who want some hugs and band-aids. I will make sure all of our Skills Classes are beginning, our teachers have everything they need, kids are in class, etc. and then I head in the house to make dinner.

>>> Cooking here was a little bit of a learning curve as "quick throw it together meals" aren't really an option. Dinner from scratch takes a lot of planning and preparation.
We've been doing some canning which has been helpful at cutting down prep time!

>>> After dinner, we play outside with the kids on campus, do some more "nursing" type duties, enjoy games, watch a movie; you know, all of the normal family stuff.

>>> My kids take a shower before bed every night because you can take the dirtiest kid you have ever seen and multiply that by 10 and you have my kids.
I read the girls a chapter of their read-aloud book for school (currently Box Car Children) and they have lights out by 8:15-8:30.
We spend some quality one-on-one time with the boys and then they go to bed around 9.

>>> In the evenings I will get some more to-do's done for my jobs at EH or we'll do exciting things like work on our budget.

David and I  try to make a couple nights a week a "no work" night and hang-out and watch a move or just visit. It has been hard for us, living on campus, to set aside time for "no work".
After living here 11 months, we feel like we are settling into a good routine/balance.

I am thankful that our director and Mission Board support me being a wife and mom first!
I do have responsibilities here that I love, but I never want those to become more important then my job as being "mom".
That is my most important job!

So there you have it! Typical day in my world!

What does your typical day look like? 

Warm Heart of Africa {Malawi Monday}

Out of 53 countries on the continent of Africa, Malawi is the only one dubbed 

"Warm Heart of Africa."

Today, I am going to give you the top 5 reasons why Malawi is deserving of this title!

1. No matter if you are invited or not or if the timing is convenient or not, when you show up at a Malawian's home, they will greet you warmly! They will hustle to pull out their grass mat (which also happens to be double as their bed) to allow you to sit in a clean spot. Even though Malawi is listed as one of the top 15 poorest countries in Africa, that does not affect their hospitality. Many times, I have left a house with a bag full of ground nuts (peanuts) that were generously given.

2. Malawi has never had a Civil War.

3. Wherever you go, people will always greet you! It goes something like this....

Wa Wa, Muli bwanji? (hello! how are you?)

Ndili bwino, kaya inu? (I am fine, and you?)

Ndili bwino! ( I am fine.)

zikomo! (thank you)

zikomo! (thank you!)

zikomo! (thank you! thanking can go on for quite awhile back and forth)

After the greeting, you are friends! Simple as that!

4. Whenever you visit a church unannounced, the pastor will usually invite you up and let you share a word with the congregation. Same rule follows at most functions. David was visiting the Ministry of Education the other day and they were having a teacher's inservice. They invited him in and and gave him the floor to speak to their teachers. They sang songs for him and let him video tape! We have always been welcome into the schools and classrooms of our kids here!

5. The Malawians have a saying, "a gift is a gift". Which to them means that you are always thankful for what you receive and no gift it considered "too little".

 

As I was thinking of all the ways that Malawians truly show their "warm heart" it was hard not to be convicted! They have definitely taught me that "more stuff" does not necessarily equal a generous heart. That a person can have so very little, but still make someone feel welcome and comfortable in their home. Isn't this an awesome thing?

 

If you come to visit Malawi, you are sure to feel "most welcome".





Arkansas to Africa {Part 2}

I have had several people ask me, "how in the world did y'all wind up in Africa"?

Most of the time that ends with me stuttering around and giving some kind of a lame answer.

Not because there isn't a really good (non-lame) answer,
but because it is hard to know where to get started.

Sooo, I thought I would begin to share the story that God wrote for us.
It is a looonng story that spans many years.
But don't worry, no chapter book today!
I will give it to you a bit at a time!

If you want to catch up to speed you can find: 
{Part 1 here}

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So, this is where I can look back and see where my theology was a bit off, because after the events I shared last week,  I found myself dialoguing with myself (do you ever do that?),
"surely God won't allow more hard things to happen to me, at least not for awhile."
"right?!"
"right, you're totally in the clear."

I guess I conveniently forgot the stories in the Bible of:

Job

Sarah

Paul

Stephen

the disciples...

.....and pretty much every other follower of Jesus

You know, the men and women who have gone before us who followed the Lord and had peachy keen lives full of gumdrops and butterflies [insert sarcasm].

Three short months later, we learned we were expecting again. 

I nervously and thankfully embraced this new life that God had allowed to grow inside me. 

Except one night, (a few short weeks into the pregnancy) I began to get sick, really sick.

Intense stomach pain coupled with not being able to keep anything down.

I was really nervous about losing this baby, so we didn't let the pain go on for too long before we loaded up and headed to the ER.

I spent the night in the ER, severe, violent, stomach pain; worst pain in my life.

Eventually by morning a Dr. saw me, ordered an ultrasound, verified I was pregnant, concluded I had food poisoning and sent me on my way with some pain meds. 

That was Monday morning.

By Wednesday, I couldn't get out of my bed. I had spent the last 3 days counting down minutes until I could pop a pain pill. I couldn't take care of the boys, so I called my mom to come over and watch our kids, and we headed  to the Women's Hospital [where my obgyn was] to see if they could figure out what was wrong with me.

Tests results came back that my white blood cell count was really high, something was going on, but we couldn't pinpoint what.

A surgeon was called to go in and do some exploring.....

{@graceforgrace on etsy, listing here}

Stay tuned for Part 3..............


{Linking up with Casey Wiegand Blog}

These are THE days

My 10 year old walked in the kitchen the other day and all the sudden he looked GIGANTOR!
 I took him to the door frame, where the recording of heights is taking place in our home, and discovered that he seemingly grew 3 inches over night.
Over.the.night!
He is currently coming up to my chin and I foresee him passing my 5'8" in the next couple of years.

My 8 year old is doing school more independently this year; needing me less. He tells jokes that make us all hold our sides and his dimple makes me want to say "yes" to everything he asks.

My 6 year old is learning to read. She has gained 15 pounds this last year and has grown half a foot. I can't keep her in clothes and her legs are as long as a jackrabbit. I think her growing incredibly fast is so bittersweet because I missed out on the first 5+ years of her life and I'm like, "slow down already!"

My 4 year old has grown with almost equal speed as her sister. She is joining us in school doing some  "pre-school" type activities. She is full of sass that would rival most pre-teens with drama and spunk.

And I am realizing, once again, that these days [right here] are fleeting.
They are growing up so fast!
I mean people tell you that it will happen, but you don't really get it until it happens with your own.
I want to soak every minute of them up.

This week, on our day off, we ventured out to try some new things.
A new town, a new place to eat lunch.
Watching the kids play in the grass.
Flying their paper planes.
Giggling, running, jumping, exploring.
A day just for the 6 of us, to pour back into our kids.
I treasure these days.

Having sweet days like this makes me want to try and be more intentional with my time with them.
I am with them 24/7, but I want to really be "in the moment" with them.
Look them in the eyes more.
Listen to their stories fully.
Manage my time better.
Because I know one day I'll look back and wish for more time with them.

I never want them to look back on our time here and feel like they were put on the back burner compared to our ministry.

Balancing family and ministry is a tricky one, but we are slowly finding our rhythm.

What do you do to spend intentional time with your kids? Love to hear your ideas/what works for your family!

{come back on Friday and I will tell you about part 2 of our Arkansas to Africa story}

Clothes Washing {Malawi Mondays}

Last week, Lacey and I showed you 20 different ways you could style your chintenje.

This week, I wanted to let you in on how those chintenje's (and other threads) get cleaned out here in the village!

First you need to gather your supplies:

 powdered soap, 

green washing tablets, 

 scrub brush,

and a couple of washing buckets

(we also like to add in some fabric softener so our clothes aren't so stiff and scratchy).

The clothes are first soaked in the soapy water.

Then, each article of clothing is rubbed all over with the green soap tablets.

Next, the clothing is scrubbed from top to bottom with the brush.

After that, the clothes are "pounded" on the concrete to push out all the stains and soapy water.

Lastly, the clothes are rinsed in clean water, wrung out and hung on the line.

I will say that hand washing will clean your clothes like no other.

I had a very favorite adoption T that I purchased from my friend Jennifer

It was so soft and comfy in all it's vintage-y goodness.

In true Catherine fashion, I dried it in the dryer back in the States with a blue and red crayon which totally ruined it.

I brought it here with me as a "sleep shirt" because it was just too soft to toss.

After a couple hand washings here in Africa, the stains are totally gone and I am back to wearing it too many times a week.

True Story!

Although your clothes will get super clean, this method over time totally wears your clothes out. They are faded, stretched and a little thread worn. 

{Just another reason why you don't find any gyms out here in the village; daily activities here are a workout!} 

>> Today, I am guest posting at The Vanilla Tulip Blog (squeal!). Hope you'll hop over there and check it out! <<

Arkansas to Africa {part 1}

I have had several people ask me, "how in the world did you wind up in Africa"?

Most of the time that ends with me stuttering around and giving some kind of a lame answer.

Not because there isn't a really good (non-lame) answer,
but because it is hard to know where to get started.

Sooo, I thought I would begin to share the story that God wrote for us.
It is a looonng story that spans many years.
But don't worry, no chapter book today!
 I will give it to you a bit at a time!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Part of why this story is so hard to write down is because it begins with one of the hardest times in our lives.
A time when I looked at my life and all I saw was ashes.
I wasn't sure God could bring much good of it.
But HE did!
It is fun to look back 6 years out and say, "God only YOU!"

On May 7, 2008, my husband and I loaded up our then 4 year old first born and headed up to the Women's Clinic to find out the gender of our 3rd baby!

We were 20 weeks pregnant and had no expectations of that appointment other than finding out "pink" or "blue".

The gown was put on, cold jell over bulging belly, and then silence.
The technician left the room to get the Dr.
We knew something wasn't right.
News was given that there was no life.
We left the room in a fog.
Why had I brought my 4 year old?
We went home to pack to head back to the hospital to induce labor.
Such a different experience than our previous 2 as we headed back to the hospital to deliver the baby we knew we wouldn't take home.

May 8 we held our teeny tiny baby boy who was perfectly formed and lovingly named Anker (anchor) by our 4 year old, who at the time, was into all things pirate.

Those were dark days.
Lots of grieving.
Lots of questioning.
Lots of hope for another baby someday soon.

My mom's church had a sermon that next week specifically on the word anchor. She shared several verses with me, including this one...

"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil,"

Hebrews 6:19

We clung to the anchor of our soul (Jesus).

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It is crazy to think of how Anker's little life was the beginning of God turning our hearts toward saying, "yes" to moving our family to Africa,

Stay tuned for part 2........

{linking up today with on your heart on Casey's blog}

Water {Malawi Monday}

I knew I would have talk about water at some point on Malawi Mondays because spending a lot of time at the well is definitely a big part of Malawian culture (as well as many other countries).

I admit I haven't spent most of my life giving too much of a thought to water. 

If, I was thirsty, there was always clean water flowing freely from my faucets. 

Water in the shower, water in the washing machine, cold water spraying out of my refrigerator. 

I even had a bed made of water back in the 80's. 

I drank it with confidence, never a thought that I, or my kids could become sick from the drink.

Gathering water never took too much of my time or encompassed a large portion of my day. 

Here, it is not the case. Multiple trips to the well have to occur each day. 

To wash clothes, cook, clean, bathe, and to offer to parched lips.

It is a family event, a social gathering, a rite of passage for little ones to be "big enough" to help.

It is a serious work out!

   

So many Bible stories come alive as I watch the women congregate at the well!

"Jesus answered her, All who drink of this water will be thirsty again. But whoever takes a drink of the water that I will give him shall never, no never, be thirsty any more. But the water that I will give him shall become a spring of water welling up within him until eternal life."  John 4:13-14

One year ago......

...we had hopped a plane and were flying to Africa (for our very first time, I might add). Three and 1/2 years of waiting, aching, praying, groaning, crying (me), begging, changing time lines again and again,  and being brought to our knees in a way we never had experienced before…... and finally, here we were. 

It was finally our turn. 
It was really happening. 
Still today, one year later, I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that it really happened. 

We arrived at our hotel and went to bed, the next morning (August 6) our girls would be brought to us. I was so nervous, excited, mind racing, trying to soak up every minute of this time. I slept very little that night. Our lives were about to change..forever. The next morning we paced the room, peeked out the curtains, checked the clock, peeked out the curtains. We jumped every time a car drove by. Time stood still and of course they were 4 hours late. 

And then, there they were….teeny, tiny and beautiful. A quick, “hey they wake up at this time and take a nap at that time” and by the way “ this one is very active”, and then the van door shut and they were gone and there we were, all alone with our girls. 

{oh happy day, August 6, 2013}

We spent 3 weeks in-country before we were able to go home. I wish I could say that those 3 weeks were like a fairy tale. But, the truth is, it was hard. There were a lot of nights my husband and I stayed up rocking at the end of the bed looking at each other like deer in the headlights. Each one thinking, but not dare speaking, “what have we done.”

I would try to relate this whole experience in my mind to how my boys would feel in this situation.... 

“ What if something happened to mom and dad and there was no one to take care of you. What if someone from China came to pick you up. They hugged and kissed all over you as they spoke in words to you that had no meaning. They changed your clothes and fed you new foods that you had never tasted. They had expectations for you that no one had ever asked of you before. Then, they took you on a plane to a foreign land. When you stepped off the plane, the sights, sounds and smells were so strange to you. You greatly grieved the only life you have ever known. Anything familiar to you has vanished and you begin new life. You are sad, you grieve, you are scared.” 

This is exactly how our girls felt.

I hesitate in writing so honestly for fear of judgement. But, I also know that when I read all the “love at first sight” posts and “can’t imagine our lives without them”, that I would feel guilty and ashamed that this wasn’t our story. I am writing these details to encourage someone that might be having a difficult time. To know that these feeling are "normal" (I hope!) and that time really does heal wounds.

I remember back when my 10 year old son was a newborn. There was nothing more that I wanted than to be a mom. When that little guy was handed to me, something permanently changed inside of me. My love for him was fierce. And then, he cried.non-stop. every day, all day for 3 months. All my Baby Wise books were were thrown out the window, some baby blues stepped in. I thought I was a terrible mom because I couldn’t make him follow any of the books. I was holding him “too much”, he wasn’t sleeping “enough” (or at all). I remember rocking him in the yellow velour recliner and staring out the window thinking, “my life will never be the same”. I will never go out with my husband again, Heck, I won’t ever leave the house again. Hold that thought, would I ever shower again? I loved him intensely, but this was not how I pictured my life would be as a mom. And then, without even realizing when it stopped, IT stopped, the crying and the pain and my life got to a new normal. It was so hard to even remember that hard season that directly after his first birthday, we were pregnant with his little brother! Time heals wounds. 

I say all this story above, because it reminds me so much of our first year with the girls. The first few months were hard. We still have hard days today (although they are much fewer and further between). They were different than I expected. I felt/feel like a failure of a mom. Instead of time-ins and re-do’s like Karyn Purvis prescribed, I was angry, frustrated, sad, took things personally. I went to bed guilty most nights of how I handled situations. To top if off, after the honeymoon of having little sisters wore off, my kids were fighting 24/7. I didn’t know if life would ever be the same again. I didn’t know if all 4 of my kids could be healthy and happy. It seemed like there wouldn’t be a light at the end of the tunnel. And then there was. I can’t remember the day that things changed, but they did. 

As I watch my kids today, I just have to whisper, “only Jesus”. Grainger (8) and Esther (6) do chores together at the same time every morning. “are you working on your bed now?” “me too”! “Ok, start cleaning your room now and I’ll clean mine.” Just so they can get done at the same time to draw together. And Asher (4) loves to lay on her biggest brothers’ back (10) while they watch movies. They now have secret jokes and and imaginary games together. They quote favorite movie lines and laugh big belly laughs together. It truly is amazing to see. 

So life isn’t “back to normal”..... because we now have a new normal. It is good, it feels like home together. We aren’t perfect and we’re still working through some things. I have learned that most of our problems aren't so much my children's behavior, but me. All my sin has been magnified through this experience and it ain’t pretty.  But, I am thankful that God won’t allow me to stay as I am, but continually wants to bring me to higher places. And just like in marriage when there are rough patches and hard places…you don’t give up! You pray, read books, seek counsel, get any help you can because your spouse is worth it. It’s the same way for us and adoption. We humble ourselves and ask for help, we read books, seek counsel, change. We continually find ways we can grow together as a family, because these 2 right here are absolutely worth it!

{one year later}

We had to be in the city for some dr. appts. and immigration paper work, so we tried to add in some fun to celebrate! We ate pizza, played on a playground, ate ice cream and went to our first Malawian movie theatre and watched Jungle Book (girls first ever theatre experience)! We also have been enjoying watching our video again and again :)

Little things, but big treats here!

We are so thankful that God took us on this journey, even on the hard days. We are so blessed to get to be the parents of these sweeties. I can't believe how far we have come this past year!

Sports and Evangelism {Malawi Mondays}

Welcome to Esther's House newest program!

Let me introduce you to our football (aka soccer) team........

Our spiritual directors, Pastor Stanley and Tadala had a vision for this new program. 

Football is HUGE here and although you may not be able to get someone to come to church with you, everyone will come out to the football field on Sunday to watch a game. 

{Felix}

So our kids began to practice under Coach Bruce (also girls' house dad).

{Bruce  + team}

The boys are getting in shape, perfecting their foot work and learning how to encourage one another.

It is really fun to watch this camaraderie forming between them all. 

{Zenus}

 But, this program isn't all about physical fitness. 

Our main goal is for them to be spiritually fit too.

The boys are also learning how to share the Gospel with their peers. 

At half time of each game, one of our boys shares the Good News with both teams.

{Chiyerekezo}

And our pastors follow up with teaching.

{Tadala}

The boys have done such a great job sharing with confidence and passion!

{Bruce, Tadala and part of the team}

The boys are boasting a 2-0 record currently, and although winning is pretty fun, we are super pumped that 2 of our boys have stood up with confidence and shared what Jesus has done in their lives. Couldn't be more proud!