New {2016}

I am really not much of a  New Year's Resolution kinda gal. 

Living here in Malawi, Christmas and New Year's slip by kinda quiet like and if it wasn't for social media, then I wouldn't even realize  that Jan.1 marks the date you're supposed to have your list of "top 10" things you want to change about yourself.

But God had a different plan for me this year and many things that He is wanting to change in my life. The other night as I lay awake in bed tossing and turning, the whole house asleep and quiet, God spoke a word over me and it was the word....NEW. A really simple, 3 lettered word, but it had a powerful meaning for me. Starting that night, God wanted to make me new. 

He whispered a word of freedom over my life and I instantly felt like a different person.

"Do not conformed to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the reNEWing of your mind' 

Romans 12:2 NLT {emphasis mine}

In 2013, I was a stay-at-home mom with 2 children and had a perfect little university model school  that my boys attended. The school allowed me to have 2 days all alone doing whatever my little heart desired. Almost in an instant, I became a mother of 4 (lovely but LOUD children), living in another country, having 0 days or even minutes of alone time, and became a working mom. All.at.once. It was a harder adjustment than I realized at the time, and looking back, it kicked my tail. It still kicks my tail.

Ever since I can remember, I have wanted a whole gaggle of kids. Big, loud families always looked like so much fun to me! When my own reality wasn't quite measuring up, I felt guilty that my blessings from the Lord were not filling me with joy. Things that I had prayed for, for years for were being answered. Instead of being thankful and content, I felt overwhelmed which opened the door to Satan totally kicking me in the face with feelings of unworthiness, guilt and shame. 

When parenting was super, super hard (transitions, bonding, trauma, homesickness for all 4 kiddos) it became easier to love on other kids than my own. 

A few months ago, around the 2 year mark of living and adjusting to life here, it felt like we were finally coming up for some air. I also realized that we had listed "please pray for balance in ministry and family" as a prayer request for the past 24 months straight on our newsletters. I began to really have conversations with God about if this balance was ever going to happen or if it was even possible. Then, God gave me this word, "new". I felt like He was telling me, "you don't have to keep living this way, Look! I am making you new. I am going to give you a new way to think, a new way to talk, a new way to feel, a new way to love your family, a new way to operate your days." 

I don't have to keep living in the old. I know this sounds simple or maybe even weird, but when you are struggling through your days, it is easier to just keep doing the same, old same old. Immediately God gave me some really simple and easy ideas of things I can change now. Really specific things that are bringing change and joy to my day to day living now. He is "restoring the years the locust have eaten" 

Joel 2:25.

He is giving me joy in my parenting like I used to have. He is showing me how I can create balance and really savor the season of life that He has me in now. He is also showing me that no matter where I live, or what my current ministry is, my kids and family will always be my first ministry. 

That releases a lot of guilt from this people pleaser that I am. 

I am so thankful that at salvation Christ made me a new creation. I am thankful that He promises to continue to re-new me again and again. That in Christ we just keep getting re-newed each day. We don't have to live in the same patterns, as surely as the sun rises each day, his mercies are new.

Are you a New Year's Resolution kinda gal? 

Has God given you a word for 2016?

I'd love to hear it!