Conquering Fear {Perspective from an Intern}

My whole life I have struggled with fear.  I feel as everyone can relate to this, right?  Fear of failing, fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of relationships; whatever it is.  Fear grips us, and it grips me.

My trip to Malawi, Africa was my first “intentional” choice to go forward into something I knew would make me anxious and fearful; mainly just fearful of the unknown and of going alone (without my husband of 5 months).

I loved the idea of going to Africa.  Helping the least of these, challenges, and being able to see extreme poverty.  I was way more excited than anxious to go, but I knew there would be points when my anxiety would take my fears and highlight them instead of remembering God’s faithfulness.

 

The cool thing is, my intentional choice to leave comforts brought me so much joy.  If I had chosen fear initially, I wouldn’t have gone.  And if I had not gone, I wouldn’t have met 70+ orphans at Esther’s House that would soon be considered my family.

Once again, He was faithful.  And because I choose to move into His faithfulness, I got to experience life at Esther’s House.

I was living, learning, teaching, and getting many sunburns at Esther’s House from January 8^th- April 5^th.   These 3 months allowed for A LOT of growing time for Leah.  One thing to remember about African time is that it goes by slow.  Especially when coming from a fast paced American lifestyle, it was a hard to not always have a busy schedule.

Free time also meant a lot of time to connect with the staff and children at Esther’s House. I learned a lot from them.  The staff opened up to me about losses, difficulty with money, and also the ability to rely on God.  These conversations allowed me to understand more what it is like to grow up and live in Malawi.  Although I couldn’t fully understand their struggles and losses, I could still relate on relying on something greater during hard circumstances.  Their lives still live on my brain daily, and I miss my dear friends. 

But to be honest, it was difficult at first to get connected with all the kids, and even staff.  I thought they (the kids) would swarm and greet me when I first arrived, that didn’t happen.  I thought they would all speak really good English as well, but not all of them did and that was hard.  I wasn’t sure how to approach them my first few days, but soon realized whenever I asked to play along with them in their activities, they never said no.  I learned early on to be proactive and assertive with the kids, along with the staff.  At times, it was awkward.  Cultural barriers aren’t always fun.  But it’s so worth it.

Another fear of mine is public speaking.  It’s something that really freaks me out, especially in front of a lot of people.   Ironically, I felt an urge to share my testimony to the staff and all of the kids at Esther’s House.   Again, I had to rely on Him, and remember that everything I do is for Him only.  (And to be honest, it’s actually a lot easier to speak publically in front of an audience whose first language isn’t English, and when I get a translator to allow me to think about what I’m going to say next, that helps a lot).

Sharing with them was a great experience.  I wanted to share my struggles, my passions, and my heart change from Jesus.  The staff prayed for me specifically after I shared.  They thanked me for sharing, and wanted to also pray for me when I returned to the States.  I felt so close to the body of Christ, and I felt so loved.

As a public health intern, I was involved in a lot of health projects such as: working at the health clinic, conducting health surveys, teaching health classes, researching health statistics, and teaching a yoga class.  I had a blast.  But even with all of the health projects I was involved in, nothing beats just hanging out on campus with the kids.  That was by far my highlight.  The 9 kids that lived on campus got a lot of my attention because I saw them all the time and considered them family.  Malawi was a new world to me, so these kids had the job of answering all of Leah’s ‘touristy’ questions.  They laughed most of the time, because I probably asked silly questions to them.   And they also laughed when they saw me working out, something almost foreign to them.

Funny how such a small place on the map can alter your heart.

There are honestly so much stories and memories I could talk about.  But ultimately, the story of His Faithfulness is what stands out to me.  I made so much friendships (with Malawians and with the Southern missionary families ;) ).  He taught me how to trust, to rest, to explore, to share, to love, and to give.

My heart is on fire for travel and for the spreading of the gospel in foreign lands since my trip to Esther’s House.  Again, I have fear for the future and what it will bring.  But looking back on my internship, I can see how challenges bring courage and the defeating of fear.

I choose faith over fear.  And in return, He was faithful, like always.  And now, I can call Malawi my home from afar.

 

Ephesians 3:20 “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.”

 

Leah